Love

Love

Friday, August 16, 2013

A few hours...

Yesterday was such a good day.
A few hours later and today bites a big one as they say.
I feel like a complete failure as a Mom.
I lost it bad on LN this morning.
She woke up saying her stomach hurt and she felt like vomiting or passing out.
She was just panicking and having anxiety over 2nd day of field hockey tryouts.
I know she didn't sleep well because of them the last 2 nights she told me.
She said yesterday that the 1st day went great, she was happy with her performance, she was excited for day 2.
WTH and WTF (forgive me)
She woke up in tears and choking sobs.
I lost it I admit.
I tried to be sweet and ask her to describe her feelings.
I got her a cold washcloth to calm her down and wipe her tears way.
I walked away.
I stayed home for the 2nd day in a row from gym for her.
I packed her lunch.
I cajoled.
I talked.
I begged.
I pleaded.
I lost it... I got a belt
I did not use it but I so wanted to.
She finally upon threat got ready and I took her to tryouts.
She knew she was just upset.
She's only 14.
That's a kid still.
O M G
I sucked today as a parent.
I failed.
I'm still 5 hours later upset.
I wanna throw up now.
I'm not posting for comments or sympathy.
I know what happened, why and how.
I just needed to vent.
I swear I'm losing my mind.
 


4 comments:

  1. The important thing is that in retrospect you know you could have handled it better. That means you're learning from what you call your mistakes.

    Geesh. My "baby" is 42 years old and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about EVERYTHING I wish I had done differently and how her life would be better now if I had been a better parent. Would it really? I dunno. Being a mom is NOT an easy job. It's the hardest job in the world. Yep, I sure wish I had been a better mom during those formative years. (HA! I wish I had had a blog to vent on during those years!)

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    1. I am just going to keep this in the front of my memory bank because I have a feeling as high school is breached things could happen again. I will strive to do better. I am not against spanking but honestly I can't remember LN needing it. She figured out at a tiny size it's better to listen than have a sore backside.

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  2. Lisa,

    You don't suck as a parent, you haven't failed. You stood your ground because you knew your daughter just was nervous and she wanted to take it further. Vent all you want!!!!
    Your daughter has a wonderful Mom (((((LISA))))))

    Try to put your mind at ease by doing something nice for yourself.

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    Replies
    1. Sandy today I sucked as a parent. It turned out fine but I am ashamed of myself.

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